My excuse is always the same. “Babe, not tonight, I’m just so tired.” And then it happens. My husband lets out that disappointed sigh, gives me a haphazard peck on the cheek, and slams himself on his pillow with his back facing me. I feel a tinge of guilt, but sleep is calling my name so I brush it off and drift off to sleep.
When it comes to arguments, nothing causes more in my marriage than the topic of intimacy. It seems like he’s ALWAYS in the mood and I NEVER am. The only time I’m ready to have sex with my husband is when the following criteria have been met:
1. Kids in bed…preferably asleep
2. House clean and dishes washed
3. It’s payday
4. Laundry is washed and put away
5. I can zip my jeans
6. My legs are shaved
How frustrating it must be for him. I need everything in my world to be perfect in order to want to be intimate with my husband, but all he needs is me. The Bible has plenty to say about sex with our spouse. The one that speaks to me the most was written by Paul in the book of 1 Corinthians 7:3-5.
3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
When my husband is hungry at work, Ms. Phyllis, in the cafeteria, will hook him up with a special chicken salad. When the hem falls out of his slacks, his momma, Paulette, will be ready to repair them. And when he needs a letter proofread before he mails it out, his old colleague, Chrisi, is there to lend a hand. My husband has a variety of needs that can be fulfilled by some awesome ladies in his life, but I’m the only one that can fulfill his need for physical intimacy. Let that stir in your soul for a moment. You are the ONLY woman, who can fulfill your husband’s need for physical intimacy. What an honor. What a privilege. And, according to scripture, it’s also a command. Just as the wife does not have authority over her own body, neither does her husband have authority over his own body. The Bible’s stand on sex isn’t about the husband having “power” over his wife. She has just as much authority over his body. Rather, when a married couple experiences regular, physical intimacy, the Bible illustrates that it not only brings them closer together as a couple, but that it also protects them from Satan’s attacks on their marriage. And let’s be honest ladies, once we get into it, it’s pretty fantastic. So now the question is…how do we get psyched up for a roll in the hay with our man?
1. Start in the morning. My husband and I were married at a fairly young age, just 22 and 23 years old. One evening, a few weeks before our wedding, I overheard my dad giving my husband SEX ADVICE! The conversation went something like this. “Jason, let me tell ya something about sex. Men are like microwaves, and women are like crock pots. If you want to get some after work, you better set her on preheat in the morning.” At the time I was mortified, but after nearly nine years of marriage, I’ve realized the truth in those words. Sex DOES start in the morning. It’s a sweet hug and kiss before you head out the door. It’s packing the other person’s lunch. It’s a naughty text message in the middle of the day. Start preparing for sex in the morning and you’ll be in a better state of mind for some fun in the bedroom that night.
2. Take a shower. While you’re in there, shave your legs and give your lady parts some special attention. Most importantly, use these 10-15 minutes to think about your husband. For women, sex takes more mental preparation, so use this time to think about him. Brush your teeth. Fluff your hair. Rub on some yummy smelling lotion. Don’t weigh yourself!
3. Slip into something hot! It doesn’t have to be a full-on, Frederick’s of Hollywood, I’m-breaking-a-sweat-just-trying-to-put-this-stupid-thing-on, kind of outfit, but it can NOT be your favorite flannel pajama bottoms. Try a pretty, lacy night gown, or a camisole and cute panties, or better yet, a pair of high heels and nothing else! Trust me…he won’t care! He’ll just be excited that you thought about him.
4. No devices in bed! Well, almost no devices…if you’re in to that sort of thing…but you know what I mean! No cell phones or ipads allowed! Nothing will kill the mood faster than slipping under the sheets with your spouse and 1000 of your Facebook followers.
5. Turn your brain off! Fight off the thoughts that will creep in. You know the ones I’m talking about. Did I write a check for the electric bill? Did I sign Sophie’s homework folder? I know I wrote the email, but did I hit send? Is the dog watching us? Sex can sometimes take a little work, but commit to shutting everything else out, and enjoying this very special time with your spouse.
Sex with your spouse is an incredible, God-created gift that we get to enjoy as often as we like. I know that life is busy, and that you have numerous duties to attend to, but this week, spend some special time attending to your most important duty of all. Have fun!